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Dear Hotel Oceana,

We really like you. Your little boutique in Santa Monica has a quiet vibe and bright, enormous rooms, and you’re only 15 minutes from the beach on foot. And that heart-shaped pool in the courtyard is cute.

So it just seems so unnecessary to employ the old cropping trick, which we’ve documented at the Equus on Oahu and — hilariously — at Miami’s Aqua Hotel, where a hot male model is apparently trying to surf in a hot tub.

Take a look at the photo on your website. The pool is so big it can’t fit in a single frame! Where’s Michael Phelps?! Now look at what our reporter found: a pool that’s charming but not so big. And to make matters worse, it appears that someone photoshopped out the metal ladder in the deep end.

So we want you to know there’s no need to exaggerate your virtues. We like you just the way you are.

Love,

Oyster